I am working at reading two books a month through Michael Hyatt’s Leaderbox continuing education initiative. I am finishing a book entitled, Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when Stakes are High by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan and Switzler
Chapter 6 was and will be life changing for me both personally and as I coach others who are willing to grow and follow my lead. The chapter explores ” how to gain control of crucial conversations by learning how to take charge of your emotions. By learning to exert influence over your own feelings, you’ll place yourself in a far better position to use all the tools” explored in the book. (pg. 103)
“Emotions don’t just happen” “Claim one: emotions don’t settle upon you like a fog. They are not foisted upon you by others. No matter how comfortable it might make you feel saying it – others don’t make you mad. You make you mad. You make you scared, annoyed, or insulted. You and only you create your emotions.” (pg. 104)
“Claim two: Once you’ve created your upset emotions, you have only two options: You can act on them or be acted on by them. That is, when it comes to strong emotions, you either find a way to master them or fall hostage to them.” (pg. 104, 105)
“The best at dialogue do something completely different. They aren’t held hostage by their emotions, nor do they try to hide or suppress them. Instead they act on their emotions. When they have strong feelings, they influence (and often change) their emotions by thinking them out, and by so doing, make it possible to choose behaviors that create better results.” (pg. 106, 107)
More from chapter 6 later… hang on to your socks! This chapter could change your perspective on every conflict you have found yourself in or will find yourself in for the future. We all have work to do!